Queer sex coaching & Sexological bodywork

Embodiment, pleasure and intimacy for queer, trans and non-binary folks

 

Queer and trans sexological bodywork

What would it be like to have a space to explore your body, desires, boundaries and pleasure at your own pace in ways that are affirming? A place where all of you is welcome and there are no taboo topics?

Whether you want to work together 1 on 1 or with a partner or partners, queer sex coaching aims to offer a space where you can move towards intimacy and pleasure on your own terms.

Sexological bodywork is a sex coaching approach that can involve talking, practical exercises and (when applicable and if desired) consensual touch.

What kinds of topics is sex coaching and sexological bodywork for?

Here are just a few of the most common topics that clients come with:

  • Connecting to your body in positive ways

  • Navigating challenges or desires around sex, intimacy, desire, orgasm, and / or pleasure.

  • Exploring new ways of interacting with your physical genitals, energetic genitals, anus, detatchables and / or sex toys

  • Pre / post top surgery and scar tissue

  • Discovering pleasure after bottom surgery

  • Crafting the intimacy and sex life you want on your own terms

  • Identifying and communicating what you want and / or boundaries

  • Healing and support around shame, self-acceptance, trauma

  • Desire differences in a relationship

  • Masturbation coaching

  • Physical / mental health, stress and wellness topics

I work 1 on 1 and with partners and am poly affirming. See the FAQ below for more about queer sexological bodywork, trans sexological bodywork, the role of touch, scar tissue and ethics.

 
 

Some tools used in sexological bodywork

  • Body mapping is a process of using slow gentle touch guided by the client to systematically explore an area of the body. This is often used to get to know your body or genital anatomy, explore areas of numbness, discomfort, tension and pleasure.

  • Embodied consent work makes use of Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent and many experiential exercises. It is woven through my approach to sexological bodywork.

    Exercises might involve learning to:

    • feel your yes and no,

    • access pleasure,

    • ask for what you want,

    • protect your boundaries,

    • interact with others around what they want,

    • and so much more.

    This work is often life changing over time.

  • This therapeutic form of mindful bodywork involves listening to and giving voice to sensations in the body and meeting them kindly.

  • Bodywork combining mindful body listening, and massage techniques know to be effective cosmetically and functionally for areas impacted by scar tissue. Some of the common causes of scar tissue formation include: top surgery, trauma while giving birth, haemorrhoids, and experiences of painful sex. Scar tissue treatment and dearmoring techniques support in reducing tension, restoring sensation, increasing pleasure potential and emotional healing.

  • De-armouring helps the body process things which have been stored in the tissues and complete cycles needed to restore greater ease in your body and being.

    There are many approaches to de-armouring. I use a consent-centered client-led approach which integrates techniques found in massage therapy, somatic coaching and the gentler techniques taught by The Gaia Method.

    This includes gentle touch, kind intention, breath, energy and movement to release blocked energy, tension, stress and emotions held in the body.

  • The anus is a place that can store a lot of tension, it is often a place where shame is attached and it can be a rich source pleasure for all genders. Some of the common reasons for doing anal bodywork are releasing tension or shame, learning about your body or exploring pleasure or discomfort.

  • Our experience of our genitals is complex. Physical tension in the surrounding muscles, emotional shields from our histories and automatic ways of ignoring or interacting with our genitals all impact our experience of them.

    Bodywork focused on the genital region is requested for many reasons including: getting to know your body, releasing shame, exploring arousal/orgasmic control, pleasure, genital de-armouring, or tension release.

  • In this form of bodywork, you are an active participant. You learn to become an active participant in giving your body what it wants - no more and no less. It is a co-creation in which you direct the touch.

    Optionally, you can learn breath and movement techniques that enable you to regulate your presence, connection to your body and level of arousal.

  • Drawing on the principles taught in “Taoist Erotic Massage” this massage integrates breathwork, full body massage, and erotic touch (including the genitals).

    It supports you in the conscious exploration and enjoyment of pleasure, arousal, ecstatic states and the movement of erotic energy through the whole body.

    It typically ends with “the big draw” a technique of using breath and muscular tension to move energy through the body and which may result in an experience of full body orgasms. This is followed by resting for 10 minutes while covered by a blanket.

    This massage is typically done with oil and unclothed. You remain fully at choice about the areas to be massaged. Massage can include genital and anal touch upon request.

 

Frequently asked questions about sexological bodywork and queer sex coaching

 

Can I come in for a massage first to meet you?

Yes! Some people prefer to have a first chat via zoom to discuss their situation. Others, prefer to come in for a massage and stay for a chat to discuss ways of working together.

What is sexological bodywork?

Sexological bodywork is a trauma-informed, consent-based experiential sex coaching approach to working with topics related to sexuality and intimacy including pleasure and gender.

The experience of intimacy, pleasure, and sexuality happens in and through our bodies. It’s similar to an activity like dancing. Imagine trying to learn to dance exclusively through only through talking about it, watching others or reading books. Now imagine learning experientially - feeling your body in movement, practicing challenging skills, and having a supportive environment in which to learn, getting support in the moment instead of afterwards. In sexological bodywork we call this an embodied learning approach.

Sexological bodywork always starts with your intention; something you want to learn, explore, develop, change or move towards. Using this as a starting point, you will get to choose explorations with clearly defined intentions and boundaries that will support your process.

Explorations might involve getting clear about what your yes or no feel like in your body. Practicing asking for what you want or saying no. Working with touch (you touching yourself or you requesting touch from the bodyworker) is also an option. This can be used in countless explorations including: getting to know your body and/or genitals; discovering what brings feelings of pleasure, safety, arousal; exploring areas of numbness, tension or discomfort; scar tissue remediation; and developing ejaculatory and orgasmic choice. These are just a small sample of possibilities.

Sexological bodywork is about more than sexuality. It is about reclaiming your body as home and living from a clear sense of your yes and your no, your worth and your personal power. During this process, all of you is welcome. You may experience excitement, grief, shame or something completely different. Many clients experience a sense of healing, deeper connection to themselves and notice a ripple effect that impacts many area of their life.

What is queer sexological bodywork?

As a queer person serving other queer folks through sexological bodywork, I find myself regularly examining the ways I think about and work with sexuality, intimacy, and pleasure. Queering sexological bodywork involves challenging cis-heteronormative narratives, expectations and values around sexuality, pleasure and being human. It involves celebrating queerness and normalising all the ways that queer pleasure and intimacy can be created. It also involves being aware of and intentional around power dynamics, systems of oppression, and exposure to trauma.

What is trans sexological bodywork?

The trans experience often involves navigating shifts in the way our body desires and experiences pleasure - whether solo or with others. There can be plenty of times when we aren’t quite sure what our body needs and wants much less how to communicate it to others. It can feel impossible to find a safe place or person to explore these shifts with. Trans sexological bodywork aims to release all assumptions about gender, language, bodies and desires. There is great diversity in trans experiences, stories, bodies and desires. As a trans person serving trans folks through sexological bodywork, my number one hope is to create a space of possibility and healing where you can explore your own body, genitals, gender, desires, boundaries and pleasure as it is in this moment.

I’m asexual, is this for me?

Yes! There’s so much to explore around pleasure, intimacy, boundaries and communication from an embodied perspective.

Do you work with polyamorous folks?

Yes! I am poly affirming and work with individuals as well as partners including those navigating polyamory.

How does touch work in sexological bodywork?

In the context of sexological bodywork, touch is always optional. It is used to support your connection with yourself and your body, learning through experience, re-educating the body and nervous system, and processing and releasing tension, emotions and old patterns stored in the body. Touch is important for humans. It directly impacts our body, nervous system, sensations and emotions. It can support safety, connection, pleasure and rest OR it can bring up the opposite.

Here are important things to know about touch as it relates to sexological bodywork:

  • Working with and through touch is an option and is not required.

  • Your enthusiastic consent is a top priority

  • Touch always has an intention and occurs only if the intent, boundaries and agreements are clear

  • You will never be pushed towards a specific kind of touch and your requests to stop or change are always welcome

  • Touch does not have to be sexual or sensual

  • Genital and anal touch are options

  • Touch can involve you touching yourself, working with a partner or something you request from your sexological bodyworker

Read more about the use of touch in our post: what is sexological bodywork?

A word about genital/anal bodywork

Some forms of bodywork include the option of client-requested genital/anal touch. Reasons might include tension release, educational purpose, or exploring pleasure. Genital/anal touch are only ever included at the request of the client and are always intended in service of you and not for my own erotic gratification.

What if I don’t want any touch involved in our work?

Touch is not a requirement for working together. It is one of many options available for exploring topics together.

Do you offer sacred intimacy?

Sacred intimacy is a practice which can include tools from sexological bodywork and sex coaching. While it may share practices from sexological bodywork or partner surrogacy, sacred intimacy is a separate modality which you can read more about here. If you are interested in discussing sacred intimacy work together, please feel free to get in touch.

Can queer sex coaching and sexological bodywork happen via zoom?

Yes! There are many options for working together via zoom. Get in touch and let’s discuss.