What is sexological bodywork and somatic sex coaching?
Part I: Reclaiming the body as home
Welcome to this series about sexological bodywork and somatic sex coaching. In this first post we will begin to look at what somatic sex coaching and sexological bodywork are. In further posts we will explore other the role of touch as well as specifics related to queer and trans experiences.
How did you learn about sex and pleasure? How do you learn about it now? Is it something you talk about with others? Intentionally practice? What struggles do you experience? Are there ways your body doesn’t do or look like you wish it did? Ways that mindfucks, fears, beliefs, distractions, habits, trauma or physical limitations seem to get in your way?
There are so many things that might keep us from feeling at home in our bodies… From loving, trusting and enjoying the body we have… and from pleasure and connection.
The complexity increases when we add sexual partner(s) to the mix. Consider just a few of the possible dynamics that might arise: how we feel about our body, how our body is or isn’t responding, how they’re body is or isn’t responding, trying to read their mind, wishing they could read our mind, how we want to be seen, what we want vs what’s actually happening, wanting to be liked, wanting to please, feeling a need to reciprocate, and the list goes on... And in all of this, we may find our pleasure and intimacy disrupted.
Somatic sex coaching and sexological bodywork supports reclamation of our bodies, autonomy and pleasure.
It supports liberation, learning and healing. The Somatic Sex Educators Association describes somatic sex coaching and sexological bodywork as a means to reclaim our bodies, our pleasure and “liberation from the ongoing effects of sexual oppression, trauma, neglect, limiting beliefs and dysfunctions”. Both support clients through education about the body and sexuality as well as through guided explorations, practices and tools. In sexological bodywork, those explorations can include erotic touch.
When it comes to learning, it’s one thing to get knowledge about bodies in general and another to experience your body. When it comes to change, understanding something with your mind can only take you so far. It must be experienced and practised in your body. In fact, both transformation and healing are linked to physically experiencing agency, pleasure and worth. Sexological bodywork and somatic sex coaching support us with learning, transformation and healing.
Love your body, trust your body, enjoy your body
These modalities have supported me in my own sexual healing and have led to me feeling more at home in my body. As a queer trans non-binary therapist, I now offer these modalities to my clients. I often describe what happens during sexological bodywork and somatic sex coaching as a process of learning to love, trust and enjoy our body that leads to greater possibilities of intimacy and pleasure with ourself and others.
“Sexological bodywork and somatic sex coaching is a process of learning to love, trust and enjoy our body that leads to new possibilities in our life.”
It often begins with practising loving our body. This develops into increased trust - from us to our body and our body to us. Trust opens the door to deeper enjoyment of our body and in our body. As we learn to love, trust and enjoy our body, we begin to live in alignment with its needs and our yes’s and no’s. Everything else in our lives is impacted in this process including our capacity for intimacy, our sexual pleasure and our overall resilience and wellness.
Stay tuned for Part II, when we’ll dive a bit further into what sexological bodywork is and how it’s different than somatic sex coaching.
Further reading